My blog page has been taken by storm today. I have no idea why anyone would bother to be honest. I am not a writer and that is a certainty. I don’t write on topics that anyone would really have an interest in.
I write what is in my head at the moment and I write for me to vent for lack of better words. I don’t write for people to praise me or feel sorry or pity or anything else about me. I don’t write for people to dis me or give me unwanted advise.
In fact the other day I had written a page about how ungrateful people around me were. How much I dislike my living arrangements and a few other odds and ends. I got a comment made by someone that I had been following and had much communication with in the past. Someone whom I had taken a liking to and someone that I had respected. I was told to not do what I was doing any longer and to move. There are reasons I do things for other people and yes it bothers me that they don’t have the decency to say thank you, to just take things for granted. You know what, I didn’t shovel my elderly neighbors sidewalk yesterday even though it needed it. And I am going to feel really bad when he walks out there and falls and breaks his hip. At 87 years old, will he survive that? Doubtful. But I stopped shoveling it. As for moving, I have been looking for a new place from the second week I had moved in here. That adds up to almost 5 years of looking. I can not move into another shared accommodation situation. Me to have to live with strangers? It is hard enough living with people that I have known for over 15 years. There are no apartments that are affordable to me on the income that I have. You go ahead and try to find a place when you live on 1000 per month. the next move for me would be a cardboard box in a lane way I’m afraid. We have to take what we can get. I just didn’t realize that I was not permitted to voice my opinion on things that I don’t like or things that bother me.
So for that reason I had to delete that particular post as it caused waves, and caused me to cease following and remove myself from the crap. Some of you may have noticed that my page is no longer free to post comments on without having my approval before it is out for the public. I don’t care much for being publicly humiliated..
You have no idea of the changes that I have had to endure since I got injured. Pre injury there was nothing I could want for. I had a happy life (what I perceived as a happy life). When the money stops so does the love apparently. Downsizing from a 3 bedroom home into a one bedroom apartment into a room in a house, with a few steps in between. I didn’t ask for any of this. How ever this is my life. There are months in which I can barely afford to have enough food for myself for the month, how ever I make sure that Otis is well provided for before I come into the picture. What ever food or anything else he needs to ensure that he is safe, healthy and happy. I took on that commitment when I got him, and that is one that I have no complaints about. I owe him plenty. There are a few that know the story behind that.
I think I have the right to be bitter a bit. I did not do this to myself. I had a good job with good income. One never knows when circumstances are going to change. If I live long enough (until official retirement) I can change the situation a bit for the better as I have provided for that time period. Until then well lets see what happens.
I try to understand people and especially the people that I have or had associated with. I was just not to bright I think. I believed I was well liked by the community in which I was a member. It was not until I had my accident and the money was not there that I found out what the attraction was. I was no longer able to do or provide for, the way I had in the past. After the accident and my illness when I had not heard from anyone, no one called or came over to check on me. Did I realize that I really did not have any friends. I have gone to many events and parties since I have recovered enough to be able to get around. Only to discover that I had to force myself into conversation, no one was coming to talk with me with out it. I also learned that I was like someone invisible. Those that I had once thought of as friends did not acknowledge me when I spoke, just as if I were not in the room at all.
My solution to this is to have nothing to do with anyone. I am always polite, I speak when spoken to. I do not put anyone down for anything. In putting myself in this position I have learned some valuable things. Just what the people around me really are for the most part. What I hear from them is the lies that the tell each other. The back stabbing that goes on. These people are suppose to be the best of best friends. I don’t understand. I certainly would never talk to, or about people like that. How can they consider that a friendship of any way shape or form.
This is the reason I have distanced myself from society as it were. I know lots of people, yet on my Face Book page I have not one friend. Not for the lack of people not wanting to add me or me to add them. But because I do not want these same people to have any reason to talk about me and put me down as they do to everyone else.
A method of self preservation I guess.
I am not putting this out there for anyone to feel sorry for me. I do not need sympathy from anyone. Thank you though. I am putting this out there so maybe some people will come to learn who I am and why I am the way I am. I understand that people want to know about other people. Everyone is different. Everyone has a story.
I hope that this has possibly cleared up some of the curiosity.
There are all types of people in this world and I have had the privilege of getting to know some of the genuinely wonderful ones right here. (I hope that you know who you are) that being said. I hope this clears the air a bit and maybe puts an end to the all of a sudden great interest in me. Thus I can go back to my quiet life.
Those that have bothered to read down to this point I thank you for taking the time to maybe know me a little better and understand why I am the way I am.