T’is the season. With it comes lots of past memories.
I have not been a great fan of all the pomp and circumstance of Christmas for the past 23 years. I don’t think that I really understand why people celebrate or what it is that they celebrate. As I have said before the true meaning of Christmas is all but forgotten.
I find that as each day draws closer to the magical day, each day gets harder to deal with. Thoughts of my daughter run rampant at this time of year for me, not saying at all that she is forgotten the rest of the year. I think about her every day.
I have gotten the point across this year. As I share the house with two other people, that insist on celebrating Christmas, yet do nothing but complain about it. At any rate, each and every year they insist on my partaking on the festivities with them, and each and every year I give the same answer. Thank you so very much for the invitation, I am sorry however that I have to abstain. Of course this is not so easy as that, and get pestered and pestered. This year they asked if I would like to have Christmas with them and I said no thank you. That was the end of it. I have not heard another word about it. Thank you so very much.
I choose to stay by myself starting on Christmas Eve and through Christmas Day. I get Otis a couple of little things. We stay in our room with the door closed. I think alot, and I remember things from 23 years ago. I cry a lot as well. I use to spend it with a bottle or two of some mind numbing liquid. Since I am on the drug assortment I think that it is better that I don’t indulge. Although the end result would most likely be much better. How ever I think that I have not yet accomplished everything in this life that I am meant to do. So sticking around for a while is better suited to my needs right now.
I do miss the Christmas’s of the past. It was always a lot of fun, even though the pressure was always on to make sure that everything was perfect. Making sure that everyone was happy, gifts were not disappointing. The Christmas meal was to be remembered and everyone had lots to eat.
I miss mid night mass. I tried to go one year, but I had to leave midway because I started to get teary eyed and didn’t want anyone to see me crying and start asking questions.
Saturday brings with it the Winter Solstice. I had thought about getting my shit together and doing ritual to welcome the new Sun. As luck would have it we are to have rain on top of the snow. Days have gone by where I used to get up and drive to the lake and be ready to do Ritual as the Sun was rising. Getting older has taught me that I do not like getting up and trudging through the snow to the perfect spot to do this in the dark, waiting for the sun to rise. I had thought that I might do that in the back yard this year beside the pond. As of now I think that it is going to just be a quickie thing inside due to the forecast’d nasty weather. Still a couple of days between now and then so we’ll see.
My Christmas wish for this year is that all the people of the world can find in their hearts a way to come to common ground. All prejudices are forgotten, hatred dismissed. That the leaders of all countries find away to not only get along with other nations but with the people of their own countries.
Perhaps if the world leaders could find a way then the average person on the street can also find away. We are called sheeple. What do sheeple do? They follow the lead of those in power. Come on guys! lead by example then. Show the world that peace is within reach.
I know that is a lot to ask for. It can start right here right now. If every person that reads my blog, takes a moment to offer a kind word to a total stranger, a smile, assistance with a door, what ever. It is a start at making a change.
Brightest Blessings Everyone,
I’d like to wish each and everyone of you a Very Merry Christmas and please stay safe.